What's so wrong with a little embellishment? (2024)

He was the fastest kid in the elementary school class so, naturally, we thought he was a good candidate for a game of chase. I suggested to the girls in my second-grade class that we take up a recess activity I’d learned at kindergarten: chasing a boy around the school yard pretending like we were going to catch him and kiss him. We wouldn’t really kiss him, I clarified, just chase him, but we needed to scare him so he would run away from us. There was no threat of catching him because, like I said, he was the fastest kid in school.

We began the game of chase around the playground, past the sandbox and in circles on the lawn. He was running ahead of us, fast and determined. Until he wasn’t anymore. He fell climbing over a portion of the playground. He was crying. The teachers were called.

The four of us went inside while another teacher attended to our victim. Mrs. A asked us what happened. One of the girls said, “Mary Grace said we should chase him!”

I was stunned and mortified.

“No, I didn’t,” I blurted out, afraid of getting in trouble.

Of course, I had suggested we play a game of chase, but I never meant for him to get hurt. I didn’t have the language to express this complex thought, so I lied to cover myself. I have rehearsed that story in my mind for years, for some reason it’s burned on my brain. I always felt guilty about lying, about the game of chase and about getting into trouble — I remember lots of moments when I got into trouble as a kid.

Isn’t it strange how the mind chooses certain events to fixate on, to remind you of, years later? They’re never the ones you want to remember and the things you do want to remember are often just out of reach.

When I began working in journalism, I became obsessed with the idea of truth in stories and how they’re passed from one person to the next. Often, when finding out that I wrote for the paper, people would tell me stories about things they thought should be covered. The details were always compelling and the storyline was intense and important. I’d do a little digging to find out if it was true, usually to discover it was an urban legend, poorly misconstrued or, at the very least, not as black and white as the person had said.

The brain likes things to be wrapped up in a nice, neat bow and I think that’s how we get caught in these little half-truths. It’s easier to shape the story a little bit than to sit with something we don’t fully understand.

When I was in college, I was venting to my therapist about a girl who loathed me no matter how hard I tried to do the right thing. “She can think what she wants about me,” I said proudly to my therapist. “I don’t care what she thinks.”

“Yes, you do,” my therapist chirped back.

It offended me. I didn’t want to hear that and I didn’t believe it (sometimes, I still don’t). I preferred the story that I was untouchable due to my strong sense of self-worth.

It was a lie; I was deeply affected by all of it.

The more I hear stories and notice where the truth is extended or expanded, the more I realize how honest those embellishments can be. They may not be true about the reality of the situation, but they do reveal something truthful about how you feel in the moment. It’s strange how quickly the subconscious can change the story to make it fit.

It’s part of that biological survival instinct. If we can’t understand it, we don’t know how to move forward and we’re paralyzed —so we have to make sense of something. I’m not condoning lying or embellishing here. And I am certainly committed to fact checking; it’s essential. But I’m also fascinated by the ways we can understand things differently. I find it interesting how people derive different meanings from the same set of information. We could hear the same story but walk away remembering different details.

Many members of my family have had memory issues as they’ve aged and I spent much of my childhood, and now adulthood, in conversation with them. There are few things more heartbreaking than watching someone lose their memory, watching them change from who you knew them to be to someone else entirely.

One of the upsides (if you can call it that) is that you seem to get a glimpse at who they were long before you knew them. Struggling, the mind tries to fill in the gaps and you get stories that are an amalgamation of all the things that mattered in their life. It may make no sense, but the heart is there. If you look past the confusing questions and the made-up stories that seem to come out of thin air, you get a glimpse at the things they care about most. Those things are so latched in their memory that they spill out now, unbridled, because they don’t understand the context enough to filter the story.

The key, though, is that you have to pay attention.

You could easily miss the heart of the story if you don’t investigate the details, just like you can easily get wrapped up in an urban legend and miss the inaccuracies. Just like you can easily glaze over the hard-to-grasp parts of an experience because you don’t want to deal with them. Just like the mind — really, the heart — fills in the gaps when we can’t remember or when we can’t make sense.

Even in dishonesty, something honest pops up.

Today’s theme is embellishments, little things that transform (a life, a space, a story). While there’s certainly a place for the “go big or go home” mentality, sometimes small additions mean the most.

MAGPIE MOMENT

5 really fun embellishments

I’ve taken to wearing all black because it’s the easiest thing for me to sort out, especially now that I go into an office on a regular basis. In high school and college, I wore pattern and prints and eye-catching details and, now, I’m not as keen on it.

But I don’t want to be boring and I still want to express myself. That in mind, I’ve been searching and noting small embellishments that make simple outfits more interesting. Let me show you.

• How chic are these ponytail accessories? I love the look of them grouped together on a long, loose pony.

• Everyone’s wearing gold hoops and I love the way they glimmer.

• Jamie Beck, a photographer in France who has roots in North Texas, has designed the most beautiful hairpins with Cécile Boccara.

• This belt goes with everything in my closet because it’s fantastically adaptable.

• I love the grosgrain trim on these pretty Venetian slippers.

FANTASTICALLY ADORNED

Adding something a little extra

1. Lisa Fine’s “Malula” print in “Neem.”

2. Handmade vegetable knife rests made of resin by La Galine.

3. Henri Matisse’s work in his studio at the Hôtel Régina in Nice, France, 1952. In the last years of his life, he created numerous works made of gouache and paper. I like how the little paper embellishments come together to create a larger piece. (Photo by Lydia Delectorskaya)

4. Vintage pink and green tile from the 1940s.

5. A cabbage bow by the artist Katerina Shukshina.

6. Pressed flowers from an album, 1855-1867, via the Smithsonian Institute.

7. A first edition of Truman Capote’s “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” What interests me about Capote is that, a celebrated writer of fiction and nonfiction, it was widely speculated that he embellished much of the story in his most notable non-fiction book, “In Cold Blood.”

JUST GIVE IT A GOOD TRIM

Accessorizing a room with ribbons

While I’d love to swath a room in wallpaper or even fabric, I’ve been captivated by this one cute, simple detail I’ve seen in design: ribbon trim in rooms. Often, it’s a simple grosgrain or velvet ribbon attached to the walls, lining the ceiling or around the door frames. (Tap the images to see the full-size photo.)

In this room, above, Pierre Frey’s “Bengali” on the walls is accented by a contrasting trim along the ceiling.

Another wallpaper and trim duo here, this time with a braided trim, above. I learned from decorator Shannon Claire Smith’s Instagram (she recently put red trim up in her living room) that you can apply it with just a classic Elmer’s purple glue stick. Simple!

Would you ever give it a try?

ONE MAN’S TRASH

Wastepaper baskets to keep, not toss

To catch tissues, mail and papers, try a yellow, marbled basket from Cabana, the blue-and-white Morris & Co. canister or a classic lacquer bin from Jonathan Adler.

GOOD CHOICE

A bunch of tulips to brighten a room

It’s nothing remarkable to say that a bouquet of tulips brightens up a room — who doesn’t love fresh flowers? —but here we are. I loved this red, white and yellow trio I picked up at the grocery store a few weeks ago.

If you want to send something to a loved one for Valentine’s Day next week, let me make the decision for you: a colorful bundle of tulips on mail order.

All the best,

Mary Grace